Not Living, Just Existing

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I would be the BIGGEST liar if I said I wasn’t at all jealous of the amazing things taking place in the lives of others right now. Moving, career changes & advancements, children…it’s all so wonderful, I’m incredibly excited for them, & I pray everything works out just as they hoped for!
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Due to MANY health issues, I’m at a standstill in all senses of the word. I can’t work. I can’t play. I can’t just do things on a whim.
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Most days, I’m not living. I’m only existing.
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I try my hardest to NOT feel sorry for myself & to not be angry or bitter. It’s no one’s fault, not even my own.
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But…what do I do? What do I do with myself? The time? The days? I don’t know. I feel like I’m waiting for something, but I don’t know what exactly I’m waiting for. The not knowing, the always questioning, the “this is my life” realities that slap me in the face repeatedly…it’s a lot to handle.
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I pray. I pray for grace, guidance, strength, patience, peace, answers…I pray. I’ll continue to pray for I know God has plans for me. Perhaps right now is a test of faith.
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