Darkness

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**Repost**

Is it the darkness or what you can’t see in the darkness that scares you?

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Doug’s Anniversary Gift

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There are a lot of things I’d change about this song, but it’s real…flaws & all. This is a cover of Thompson Square’s “If I Didn’t Have You,” that was recorded by my brother-in-law Nick & myself. He played the guitar for it as well. Doug LOVES it. That’s all that matters. 💖

It’s the first time I’ve EVER recorded ANYTHING. DO NOT HATE!

Happy Anniversary Doug. I love you babe.

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History’s Impact

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Ever since I was a “pre-teen” & read “The Diary of Anne Frank,” for the first time, a HUGE chunk of my heart has been captivated. It’s been captivated by her, by the horrific events that took place during WWII & The Holocaust.

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I’ve read countless books, autobiographies, historical information, visited museums, watched documentaries…and I still can’t fathom any of the chaos.

I don’t understand & I very highly doubt I ever will, but I’m my father’s daughter (hands down!) & history is so important to me. I want to know as much as possible. I will continue searching & learning. Most people roll their eyes when it comes to history, but I’m like a puppy who hears a dog whistle – my ears perk up & my eyes widen.

History IS important! If we don’t know what happened previously & try our hardest to make sense of it, we are doomed to repeat our mistakes.

When something tugs at your heart the way The Holocaust, WWII & Anne Frank have tugged at mine, it means you should look into it. It’s tugging for a reason. I haven’t discovered the reason my tug-of-war yet, but I won’t stop.

My family ancestry consists of  Scottish, Irish, Polish & German decent. So there is definitely some contradiction in there. I want to know about my ancestors. I started with my mom’s side, which is INCREDIBLY Polish & found that her mom lived in a tiny house in Pennsylvania with loads of relatives & spoke Polish during her childhood. The Depression was VERY hard on everyone & that was here in America. I have no idea what happened to our family back in Poland!

Who knows what else has happened within my family?

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Coloring Anxiety

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Of all the things I’ve tried to help with my anxiety, “color by number” apps on my phone were not the answers I expected to accidently find.

They’re fun, they’re tedious, they get me to focus on the task that I’m doing and not everything else that is normally floating around in my head and they’re free.

Who’d a thunk?

So, I took some screenshots of some of the pictures I’ve completed, and I’ve got the names of the apps I’ve downloaded for those who may want to try it. I seriously recommend it!

“Pixel Art” & “No.Color”

These pictures are from “Pixel Art.”

These pictures are from “No.Color.”

I’m amazed at how much these apps have helped.

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Keeping Faith

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I get asked (A LOT) how it is that I remain so strong in my faith when I have so many bad things to face.

It’s called “faith” for a reason.

Dictionary.com defines “faith” with the following:

[feyth]

noun

1. confidence or trust in a person or thing:faith in another’s ability.

2. belief that is not based on proof:He had faith that the hypothesis would be substantiated by fact.

3. belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religion:the firm faith of the Pilgrims.

4. belief in anything, as a code of ethics, standards of merit, etc.:to be of the same faith with someone concerning honesty.

5. a system of religious belief: the Christian faith; the Jewish faith.

6. the obligation of loyalty or fidelity to a person, promise, engagement, etc.:Failure to appear would be breaking faith.

7. the observance of this obligation; fidelity to one’s promise, oath, allegiance, etc.:He was the only one who proved his faith during our recent troubles.

8. Christian Theology.the trust in God and in His promises as made through Christ and the Scriptures by which humans are justified or saved.

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I don’t have to see God to know that He is real and I don’t have to know His plan to understand that He has one. Without suffering there can be no compassion. I know in my heart that there is a reason why I have been dealt the hand that I have been and I know that there’s a reason I’m going through everything that I am.

Ultimately, life is about staying strong & not straying from faith even when it seems like everything in your life is a big pile of poo. You don’t give up when things are bad. You don’t think God is false because things don’t go your way or you didn’t get what you asked for.

It’s all for a reason! Everything in life is part of HIS plan.

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Where Did Kerry Go?

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When I was twenty years old, I was officially diagnosed with depression, anxiety and PTSD. I was prescribed depression medications and BAM…the see-saw ride of my body changing began. I gained weight. On top of gaining weight, I became a zombie that didn’t care about anything anymore, so I asked to be switched to a different medication. Thank goodness it was a medication that helped, I was able to work off the weight and I turned back into a human again.

But this was just the beginning of the story that is still being written. My body is still in mad chaos but now, I have zero control over it. I’m thirty-two years old now and over the years, I’ve managed to acquire one medical ailment on top of another, on top of another, on top of another and so on. I’m on medications for ailments and then I’m on medications to counteract the side effects of the original medications and my body is reacting in so many ways and it’s absurd. My body is reacting both inside and out. The most infuriating part of all of it is me not having any say in the matter. I’m helpless and honestly, I feel hopeless most of the time.

I cry almost daily. I look in the mirror and I wonder, where did Kerry go? I don’t recognize the person I see and I know I will never see the person I was before all of this started. I just wonder if I will ever see someone I can be happy with or at least satisfied with. Until then, I suppose I will continue with my daily routine of crying as I see my reflection.

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Do You REALLY Love Yourself?

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5 Signs You Don’t Love Yourself (Even If You Think You Do)

How do we achieve this seemingly elusive state of loving ourselves, in a world where we oftentimes feel disconnected from ourselves? Loving yourself certainly requires time, effort, and commitment, but many of us don’t even know where to start. You might think you love yourself, but in this article, we’ll discuss a few signs that may mean you need to dig a little deeper to truly fall in love with you.

HERE ARE 5 SIGNS YOU DON’T LOVE YOURSELF (EVEN IF YOU THINK YOU DO):

1. YOU FEEL DISCONNECTED FROM YOURSELF.

With most of us starved for time and relaxation, of course it comes as no surprise that we feel disconnected and disjointed. However, if you feel this way more often than not, it might mean that you don’t really love yourself. To truly love yourself, you have to get connected with the “you” that’s been hiding under all the layers you’ve put on to protect yourself in this harsh world.

If you feel like an alien in your own body, simply getting back to nature for a bit or doing some deep breathing exercises can do wonders for your mental state. Learn to reconnect with Mother Earth and unplug from the “real world” for a little while. You’ll feel a lot more real when you get away from reality for a bit, ironically.

2. YOU DON’T TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEALTH.

If you resort to food, alcohol, drugs, or any other substance for comfort, then you probably don’t take very good care of yourself. Not caring for our health is a surefire sign that we don’t truly love ourselves, but in a world with constant stressors, it can be all too easy to reach for a quick fix for our problems. We live in a overstressed, overburdened society, and stress can lead to a slew of health problems that tend to get worse over time if not dealt with properly.

Remember to take care of you, because no one else will do it for you.

3. YOU ALWAYS WANT TO ESCAPE YOURSELF.

Sometimes, we can feel trapped inside ourselves and our bodies, and just want to get out somehow. However, running from ourselves or our problems will never work, because at the end of the day, you’re still stuck with the person looking back at you in the mirror. If you don’t truly love yourself, then it only makes sense that you’d want to run as far away as possible from your perception of yourself. But see, here’s the thing: how you perceive yourself is everything.

If you look at yourself in a positive light, and work to have a healthy self-image, you won’t feel nearly as restless and trapped inside your own self. Work on seeing the good things about yourself, rather than fixating on all the so-called “bad” things.

4. YOU HAVE UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS.

If you find yourself in unstable, toxic relationships time and time again, then you probably don’t really love yourself. Your relationships should enhance your life and well-being, not steal your joy and happiness. Getting tangled up in bad relationships means that you have some things you need to work on within yourself in order to attract the right people. We can only accept the love we think we deserve, so ask yourself: “Do I deserve better?” If you think you do, then you’re on the right track to developing stable, healthy relationships with others.

Loving yourself means getting rid of toxic relationships that only seek to destroy you, and welcoming positive relationships into your life.

5. YOU FEEL DISENGAGED IN LIFE.

Unfortunately, many of us feel this way on a daily basis. However, if we really loved ourselves, wouldn’t we go after the life that brought us the most happiness? Wouldn’t we work on building a life where we can truly feel alive? If you don’t feel interested and passionate about your life, then you need to look deep within and figure out why you chose the one you’re living now. We all deserve to live a life full of abundance in every single way, and you owe it to yourself to create a life worth living.

Work on learning about yourself and rediscovering what really makes you happy, so that you CAN live the life of your dreams and not have to settle for anything less.

Source: PowerofPositivity.com

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