Today’s Makeup

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Again, please forgive the exhaustion!

Today’s eyeshadow palette was WET n WILD Coloricon Eyeshadow Trio “I’m Getting Sunburned.” I really like it, but it isn’t something I would wear everyday.

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The colors are gorgeous! This picture truly doesn’t do them justice.

 

If you try the trio, let me know your thoughts!

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Before, After & Products Used

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As I shared with my Facebook & Instagram followers, please forgive the hair & lack of feeling well!

However, I did have fun playing with makeup last night & using a much darker eye color than I normally do.

I shot a picture of the products I used & have listed them!

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NYX Angel Veil primer
YSL foundation
Maybelline Age Rewind Brightener Illuminator
Wet N Wild Contour makeup stick
Maybelline Fit Me pressed powder
elf contour & highlight palette
Cover Girl blush
elf eyebrows sculpting gel & powder
Maybelline eyeshadow quad “Sapphire Siren”
NYX white eyeliner (water line)
Cover Girl professional super thick lash mascara
Wet N Wild lip liner
Wet N Wild Liquid Catsuit matte lipstick

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I’m Only Human

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But I’m only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I’m only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
‘Cause I’m only human

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I’m only human…

What “Self-Care” REALLY Is

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This Is What ‘Self-Care’ REALLY Means, Because It’s Not All Salt Baths And Chocolate Cake

Self-care is often a very unbeautiful thing.

It is making a spreadsheet of your debt and enforcing a morning routine and cooking yourself healthy meals and no longer just running from your problems and calling the distraction a solution.

It is often doing the ugliest thing that you have to do, like sweat through another workout or tell a toxic friend you don’t want to see them anymore or get a second job so you can have a savings account or figure out a way to accept yourself so that you’re not constantly exhausted from trying to be everything, all the time and then needing to take deliberate, mandated breaks from living to do basic things like drop some oil into a bath and read Marie Claire and turn your phone off for the day.

A world in which self-care has to be such a trendy topic is a world that is sick. Self-care should not be something we resort to because we are so absolutely exhausted that we need some reprieve from our own relentless internal pressure.

True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake, it is making the choice to build a life you don’t need to regularly escape from.

And that often takes doing the thing you least want to do.

It often means looking your failures and disappointments square in the eye and re-strategizing. It is not satiating your immediate desires. It is letting go. It is choosing new. It is disappointing some people. It is making sacrifices for others. It is living a way that other people won’t, so maybe you can live in a way that other people can’t.

It is letting yourself be normal. Regular. Unexceptional. It is sometimes having a dirty kitchen and deciding your ultimate goal in life isn’t going to be having abs and keeping up with your fake friends. It is deciding how much of your anxiety comes from not actualizing your latent potential, and how much comes from the way you were being trained to think before you even knew what was happening.

The act of self-care has become yet another thing women are expected to be good at. Did you use the right filter for that ‘gram of your impeccably prepared acai bowl? Are the candles you just lit in your Snap story made from organic hand-poured soy or are they that mass-produced factory shit? And how can we stem the inevitable capitalist tide from turning something as simple as self-care into yet another thing to be bought and sold? These are all things I wrestle with as I order Dominos in sweatpants under the guise of ‘being good to myself.’ – quote via Amil Niazi

If you find yourself having to regularly indulge in consumer self-care, it’s because you are disconnected from actual self-care, which has very little to do with “treating yourself” and a whole lot do with parenting yourself and making choices for your long-term wellness.

It is no longer using your hectic and unreasonable life as justification for self-sabotage in the form of liquor and procrastination. It is learning how to stop trying to “fix yourself” and start trying to take care of yourself… and maybe finding that taking care lovingly attends to a lot of the problems you were trying to fix in the first place.

It means being the hero of your life, not the victim. It means rewiring what you have until your everyday life isn’t something you need therapy to recover from. It is no longer choosing a life that looks good over a life that feels good. It is giving the hell up on some goals so you can care about others. It is being honest even if that means you aren’t universally liked. It is meeting your own needs so you aren’t anxious and dependent on other people.

It is becoming the person you know you want and are meant to be. Someone who knows that salt baths and chocolate cake are ways to enjoy life – not escape from it.

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Help Me Name This Dish!

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I threw some stuff together & created this deliciousness! Chicken, asparagus, mushrooms, lemons & spices.

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Help me make this dish & then I’ll share the recipe!

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I’m Jealous

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I know it’s not right to be jealous and I try not to be, but I would be a liar if I said that I wasn’t I’m jealous sometimes.

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I’m jealous of those who are sick for only a day. I’m jealous of people who can work.
I’m jealous of those who have even the slightest opportunity to have children. I’m jealous that they even have the CHOICE!
I’m jealous of those who can work out for 6 days in a row and rest on Sunday. I’m jealous of those who can take road trips and be in a car for more than 20 minutes without freaking out. I’m jealous of those who are either not taking any medication or are only taking medications that equal less than a double digit number.
I’m jealous of those with small chests, which is something I never thought I would say! I’m jealous of people who can have the energy to do whatever they want, whenever they want. I’m jealous of people who can use their entire body. I’m jealous of those who don’t have to be protective of their body as though it’s made of glass because I know that I will live the rest of my life protecting my body as though it were a fragile baby.
I’ll never get to work out my core, have six-pack abs and look like a rock star. I know that I’ll never be the teeny, tiny little girl that I used to be because my body is forever changed. I’m jealous that I’ve got the body of a 90 year old even though I’m only 31. While most people my age are out partying, having fun and can be carefree, I’m sitting here sorting out my medications for the week. I’m thinking about what appointments I have, about insurance and what needs to be done before the end of the year. I’m thinking about the cost of insurance going up next year and about what specialists need to be seen, what tests need to be done…being sick as a full-time job and I’m jealous that this is the job that I have. I don’t have something awesome like other people do. I don’t get to travel and take awesome photos in amazing random places to share with the world.
I get to sit here like a bump on a log and care for my ailing self all day, everyday.
I’m jealous of people who get to go one single day falling off the wagon of their liquid intake and being fine. If I miss even the slightest, I’m down and out for at least a week and half the time the doctor wants to send me to the infusion center for IV fluids.
I always knew that I was special, different and the exception to the rule,  but this is not what I had in mind.

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