Recently, things have been insane. My depression is off the charts and I know that my feeling super sick isn’t helping at all.
One thing that has rocked my world is the death of Chester Bennington. I know that I am not the only saddened Linkin Park fan out there but naturally, their influence on my personal life is what is on my mind.
The whole band is amazing, but Chester was the lead singer and “front man,” so naturally all eyes are on him.
Linkin Park has played a major role in my life since the truly entered the scene back in 2000 (even though they formed together in 1996). Honestly, they got me through high school, hands down. I wouldn’t have made it through without them. I remember my senior year alone, I listened to “Numb” every-single-day.
There is so much irony in Chester’s death. He was the lead singer of a band that kept me from taking my own life and now, Chester took his life. He put himself out there. He put his demons on display for everyone and slayed them. He let me know that I wasn’t alone and that there are others out there who understand me and the things I was dealing with and continue to deal with.
He’s always been a huge inspiration for me and a reason why I put myself out there. He’s a huge reason why I feel comfortable putting my demons and secrets and incredibly painful experiences up front and center.
I’m not afraid to let people know I’ve been sexually abused, I’ve been in domestically violent relationships, I have no relationship with my family, and so much more. I’m not afraid to say, I battle depression, anxiety, PTSD and again, so much more.
It’s okay to NOT be okay and Linkin Park has helped me deal with a lot of that.
Knowing that Chester is gone is heartbreaking. When I heard the news, I seriously felt my heart stop and then drop. I can only imagine what his family, friends, and bandmates are going through. I’m only a fan and I’m crushed.
For those who don’t understand depression, I urge you to educate yourself. You may see warning signs in people you know and be able to help in ways you never thought possible.
It’s terrible and it can’t always be controlled with medication, therapy, a mixture of both…it’s a monster. It’s a beast and it can one hundred percent take over making you feel completely helpless. Suicide is something that has crossed my mind MANY, MANY times. It’s crosses depressed people’s mind all the time. When depression takes over, it’s scary and as someone who deals with depression every-single-day, sometimes I don’t realize just how bad off I am.
Even though I’ve contemplated suicide, planned it out, and was ready to leave this world but I didn’t do it because I didn’t want to die. However, I didn’t want to live anymore either. Thats where cutting came in. It changed the internal pain up external and helped me refocus.
It’s still earth shattering. He saved so many but we couldn’t save him.
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