A Few Confessions of a Chronically Ill Warrior

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I spend most of my day in the bathroom.
I cry more than I care to admit.
My entire body is always exhausted…along with my mind & emotions.
Anxiety takes over all of me constantly.
I have PTSD due to many reasons.
I hate my body.
I cry when I see myself naked.
I feel like a burden 99% of the time.
I severely contemplated suicide…to the point of having everything planned out.
I have so many ailments & medications, I can’t remember them all, so they’re all written down.
I’ve never truly felt safe.
Some days are so awful, I literally get out of bed, just to relocate to the couch.
I hate food. Food means going to the bathroom.
When I had my ileostomy, I stayed as hidden as possible.
I cry every time someone tells me I’m strong, beautiful, or graceful. I don’t feel like I am any of those things.
I’ve almost died, more than once, & I hate what it did to my family.
I feel guilty.
Whenever I go somewhere, I HAVE to locate the restroom before anything else.
If I’m in the car for more than ten to fifteen minutes, anxiety kicks in something fierce.
I fell like agoraphobia will take over me.
I don’t feel like I’m living. I’m only existing.

But no matter what, I will #FIGHTFORIT

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#FightForIt #SilverLining #My #Life #Chronic #Multiple #Disease #Illness #Warrior #Sick #Pain #UlcerativeColitis #UC #Depression #Anxiety #PTSD #Dehydration #Migraine #Fear #EPI #ExocrinePancreaticInsufficiency #Honest #Confessions #Daily #Battle

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