Numb

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I listened to this song twice a day, everyday in high school. On the way to school & on the way home (or work).

This song hits me hard. Why? The relationship with my parents…or lack there of.

High school was hard enough on it’s own, but my experience was topped with many, many other hard things.

Ninth grade held death, too many bomb threats to count, adjusting to a new school WITH my older brother (I ended up defending HIM from morons)…

Tenth grade held more death. I believe this was the year that my brother REALLY started showing signs of bipolar disorder (he has been officially diagnosed now & beyond treated with medication), I started working my second job while being in school full time, & writing really became a sturdy base for me…
Eleventh grade held even more death, high school on my own, losing a best friend when she got her first boyfriend, sexual assault, parent’s constantly fighting…

Twelfth grade didn’t hold death (but the beginning of college did), but my parents were on the brink of divorce, always in trouble for staying out late (BECAUSE I COULDN’T HANDLE THEM FIGHTING), realization that my parents never attended any of my artist events such as band, marching band, all things drama…

I never felt good enough for my parents & honestly, I still don’t feel like I’m enough. During high school, I really did become numb. I was a walking, empty vessel. I put on the front for a some people, but inside, I was cold.  Ice cold. I started to cut off everyone.

Now, I’m becoming numb again. I don’t have a relationship with anyone in my family. I’ve tried for years, but with all the hurt, I’m numbing all over again.

#FightForIt #SilverLining #My #Life #Numb #LinkinPark #Love #NoLove #Drama #Music #Everyday #Parents #NotGoodEnough #Hurt #Alone #BrokenHeart #Daily

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