Battling MULTIPLE CHRONIC health problems isn’t just something I say. It’s a full time job in itself. I spend every-single-day taking care of this body that constantly betrays me & it’s a never-ending war.
I spend all day, everyday hydrating. I lose liquids as quickly as I take them in. I have to remember to take ALL of my many medications. I have to REMIND myself to eat. My body betrays me more & more when food is involved. Eating isn’t something I enjoy normally.
Due to the fact that sleep is hard to come by & when found, ALWAYS interrupted, I literally have doctor’s orders to nap whenever I can. What am I? Eighty years old?
Physical exertion…ay yi yi. I’m always exhausted physically, mentally, & emotionally. Remember, exhaustion & tired are two completely different things. The amount of energy spent doing the simplest of tasks is ridiculous. Pushing myself too far means a MAJOR STEP BACK & I walk a very fine line.
The mental junk that comes along with all of this is horrendous. I’ve had anxiety since I was a child & it had only gotten worse. It continues to get worse as well.
For example, I’m already prepping myself for next week! I have four doctor’s appointments next week & the havoc it’s having on my nerves is terrible. I have to mentally prep myself for the chaos of next week. The schedule (my body plays but no one else’s rules), the driving (I hate driving), the time spent in places that aren’t my home (fear of no available restroom or knowledge of where one is)…it’s all so intense. It’s crazy & incredibly taxing.
No matter how hard I try to focus on something else, anything else, reminders of next week’s tasks find their way to be front & center of my mind. I’m trying my hardest to “relax” & failing terribly. I’ve never been good at relaxing. Relaxing my body is just…not something I can do. It’s not possible. I have animals to care for. I have housework I need to do. I want to take care of my husband…my body is exhausted & when I’m exhausted, everything just gets worse.
Lord be with me.
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