Better Man

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Dear Jeff,
This song reminds me of you. No, I’m not in love with you. No, I don’t miss you. Lord knows, I want nothing to do with you! However, you are alarge part of my past & who I am today.
This song…when we FINALLY broke up for good, this is how I felt about you. It took me a long time to come to terms with things & it took a long time for me to realize that the “problem” wasn’t me, even though you spent our entire relationship making me me think that the problem WAS me.
The problem was that you are four years older than I am & yet, you weren’t a better man. I genuinely hope that you’re a better man now & that whomever you’re with is treated way better than you treated me. I hope you found a way to be a better man…a real man.
As I’m sure you’ve cast your stories & your entire world believes that I’m at fault for absolutely everything, I’d like to
take a moment & just share a few thoughts. I was not at fault for you hitting me. I was not at fault for you throwing me around. I was not at fault for the bruises & for you BODY SLAMMING me. That was all you. I was not at fault for the names you called me, for the things you said, for the accusations you constantly threw my way…it wasn’t my fault you drove by my
house to see if my car was there. It wasn’t my fault you went out drinking & hooking up with other people or for you calling me while you were drunk. It wasn’t my fault you FOUND “reasons” to break up with me repeatedly & sleep with people while we were broken up.
It IS MY FAULT that I allowed all of this continue & DIDN’T walk away. Yes, that was my fault.
November 19, 2005 I believe is that day I walked out of CFS. There was strength in me I didn’t know existed & I’m truly
proud of myself. It took me a lot longer than I would have liked for it to but the point is, I got there. AND I got there
on my own. I didn’t have a support system to lean on. I didn’t have anyone in my corner. It was just me.
Look at the past, look at the future, but most importantly…look at right now. Be a better man.

 

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