Depression on a normal basis is difficult enough to deal with. When life throws terribly painful darts at you, things get worse-obviously. October is always hard for me but this year, it’s even harder. For the first time in a very long time, I’m slipping into one of the deepest depressions I’ve ever known. Most wouldn’t realize it because I’ve become very skilled in masking it.
Unfortunately, my depression isn’t something that “life changes” can fix. Mental illnesses of multiple kinds run on both sides of my family & for those who still don’t get it, it CAN be genetic. Mine is. So, adding horrible events on top of it just makes things more painful than the “normal” for me.
I’m feeling like life is a boomerang. It goes out, comes back, hits me in the face & heart, & then goes out again…just to repeat the vicious cycle.
I can’t seem to find a stretch between the coming & going that is long enough for my heart heal even slightly.
One of my famous phrases is that, I’m on the merry-go-round from hell. Merry-go-rounds WITH boomerangs.
Ever cry so many tears that it creates a pool in which you can see your own reflection? I have.
Prayers & positive vibes would be appreciated more than I can say.
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