This is how quickly my days can change. This morning I was bright-eyed, bushy-tailed & RIDICULOUSLY excited about Super Saturday. I had my Shakeology for breakfast & my Team Mission Possible tank out to wear…
Then my bipolar body made decisions I didn’t agree with & now I’m stuck home. I’ve been battling a super crazy stretch of dehydration, but was okay & I didn’t plan on working out, so I had all intentions of seeing my team, squeezing some hugs out of them & learning about our next quarter’s plans!
Days like today are days when I know I’m being tested. My faith, my patience, my anxiety, my overall happiness & attitude…I’m being tested. I’ll never waiver, but yes, I am incredibly disappointed.
Continuing to miss events & doing things with others really starts to hurt the heart…I feel like I’m a burden, a disappointment, a letdown, a failure & a hermit a lot of the time. It sucks…BAD.
I have to stay strong, hold tight & know that God has plans. I don’t understand them AT ALL & it would be so incredibly easy for me to blame & become angry with God. It would be easy for me to flip the world the birds & shut down.
I’ve battled depression for as long as I can remember & sliding down the hill to misery would be easy as pie right now. But I won’t allow any of that.
Prayer. I know in my heart that me being kept away from the fun HAS TO BE for some reason…something much greater than myself. Plans greater than anything I can imagine. So for now, I’ll cuddle with my babies, pray, take care of myself & know that everything is what it is because that is God’s will.
I hope my team had an amazing time. They deserve it!
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